Battle of the sexes – Golf – Albany Times Union

Of the many reasons you should consider joining a golf club, one is the opportunity to play in tournaments with people you know, carrying handicaps you can trust. These tournaments take many forms but at my course, one of the most loved formats, the tournament that best cements relationships between male and female members, is the Ryder Cup competition.

About 25 years ago our PGA Professional suggested a male/female tournament that pitted the women against the men. The format would be 16 of each gender playing four nine hole events with each of the first three (alternate shot, better ball of partners and two person scramble) worth one point per two person match, then 16 single matches on the fourth nine worth a point each.

There would be no prizes, no money in the Golf Shop just bragging rights.

From the get-go both genders realized the importance of the tournament. Each male strives to establish his place as the Silver Backed Alpha Male (SBAM), while the women are more team oriented. Thinking about it, there is a startling parallel in each teams attitude to the real Ryder Cup the men are the individualistic American squad while the European team attitude prevailed with the women, who start each tournament by huddling, arms over each others shoulders and giving a rah-rah cheer bone chilling if you are a guy competitor.

The first year the women thoughtfully provided snacks and shots of scotch before the competition began; the food out of the kindness of their hearts, the booze a transparent tactic to befuddle the guys. Thus began the tradition of giving tee prizes to each other every year before the first ball was airborne. What this evolved into might be considered by outsiders to be misogyny and misandry, even rampant sexism, but all involved knows it for what it is great fun.

Plans for the tee gift are made weeks in advance, as each team tries to out-humiliate the other. It started out fairly benign the second year with the guys presenting the gals with personalized certificates for each woman, proclaiming their second place finish before the games began and the eventually victorious women returning them to the men at the end of the tournament, their name scratched out and replaced with their opponents moniker. The stage was set.

The women took first place four of the first five years, rendering us SBAMs emasculated, especially the year we received two pink golf balls in a small jock strap as our tee prize. We countered with retroactive trophies the next year bowling trophies, the bowler figure on top cut off and replaced with a Ryder cup, except the cup was a glued-on measuring cup. Other prizes included aprons for the women proclaiming their second place finish and a white belt for the men, printed with pictures of all of the SBAMs and the statement 2019 BSCC Women Belt Men. Which they then proceeded to do.

Then there was the lunch box with a faux stuffed crow inside; a bottle of wine relabeled as Chateau de Feat out of the Love Canal Vineyard, sporting a picture of toxic waste; Cracker Jack boxes that had been opened from the bottom and resealed after removing the original prize and replacing it with a ball marker labeled LOSER; a six pack sampler of beer relabeled with brands such as Boars Butt Beer and 17th Hole Pond Scum Lager.

One year the SBAMs got a case of Wheaties from the local supermarket, unopened, still in the original case, strapping and all. We carefully removed the strapping, put a redone front panel over each of the original boxes, with pictures of all 16 male players and slogans such as 100% whole wheat replaced with 100% Testosterone. It looked exactly like the original front panel and as we broke the strapping and opened the case to distribute the Wheaties boxes to the women, one of them quipped, I hope it has our pictures on it. Priceless.

Next years Ryder Cup will be held the week after that other one in Europe. Thirty-two women and men will meet on a Fall Saturday morning in the gazebo and determine the pairings amid atrocious trash talking before going out to battle. I cant wait.

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Battle of the sexes - Golf - Albany Times Union