The Week That Was: Bear Down

The raging tire fire that is the Chicago Bears continued to move their tragic comedy from the field to Halas Hall, benching Jay Cutler, a guy who, no matter what you think of him, is statistically the best quarterback the team has employed since Sid Luckman strapped on a leather helmet.

This has created an amazing choose-your-own-adventure narrative for the hordes of mentally unbalanced trolls that make up Americas sports talk radio audience.

If you hate Jay Cutler, he was benched for his poor performance and you have chosen the fantasy that even a single soul in the NFL believes Jimmy Clausen could be a better choice. Should your particular disdain be for Marc Trestman, then this is him peeing in the punch bowl.

If you hate Virginia McCaskey and/or the Bears organization, then you are digging the story that this is to keep him healthy so the penurious old battle axe doesnt have to pay him money he would be due if injured.

No matter which line youre buying, the beautiful thing is there is just no shortage of hate to go around. It is the holidays, after all.

On the subject of rejuvenation, maybe the Bears can learn something from Mr. Hockey, also known as Gordie Howe, a man who played professional hockey in five separate decades. At 86, hes reportedly showing a miraculous response to stem cell treatment in Mexico to repair damage from a two major strokes.

The good news is Mexico is a neighboring country where you can pick up some cheap Tequila and blankets while on a medical vacation. The bad news is that we live in a country guided by religious zealots and wont be able to legalize stem cell research here unless Mr. Hockey straps on the skates and plays in the NHL again.

Our sports teams just dont have stars like Mr. Howe any longer. And speaking of missing stars, Ald. Deb Mell seems to have eliminated some major event in Chicago history.

Is she one of the growing number of Chicagoans who doubts the existence of Fort Dearborn? Perhaps she denies that the Army Corps of Engineers ever reversed the flow of the Chicago River?

The Chicago Flag has four starsthough perhaps one is being hand-picked by Rahm Emanuel to fill the empty slot.

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The Week That Was: Bear Down